January 11th, 2010 → 2:37 pm @ Jay // 4 Comments

As a full-time freelance consultant, my ability to put food on the table has largely revolved around my ability to manipulate clients and employers into choosing me over others. The word “manipulate” is typically loaded with negative connotations.

Let me make it clear. I do not engage in misconduct in my professional capacity. I manipulate by withholding. I limit my accessibility for only a moment, to turn a client’s (or employer’s) decision from rational to impulse.

Warning: Never sell something (including your services) to somebody if they will regret the purchase. Buyer’s remorse will come back to bite you on the ass.

 

Is it wrong to manipulate?

There is nothing wrong with being manipulative, as long as you don’t cross ethical boundaries. This sounds like a dichotomy, but as long as you deliver on your end, the customer/client will be happy they chose you.

In a class I gave to engineering students, we entered a casual discussion about careers, employment and freelance contracting. To this group of students, I told them that if they truly want to dominate their competition, they need to be able to manipulate the customer (be it an employer or a client). One student responded,

“That’s not right. You shouldn’t manipulate people.”

My response was:

“We are all manipulated, all the time. When you were a kid, I bet your parents told you all sorts of things to make you behave. But it was for your own good. I see you have an iPod on your desk. Apple spends millions every year to manipulate consumer opinion through advertising. Even if it was recommended to you by friends, without strong manipulation of buyer behavior, even first adopters wouldn’t have it. So you bought an iPod. Do you like it?”

“Yes.”

“Are you happy you bought one?”

“Yes.”

“So, all manipulation isn’t bad. Sometimes you need to manipulate to give people that initial push to make a decision, and as long as you deliver, you’re left with a happy customer. Have you got a girlfriend?”

I got the “weirdo” stare after asking this one…

“Yes.”

“Did you ask her out?”

“Yes.”

“I bet you were pretty sure she’d say yes. Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

“Once you started dating, did she say that she’d been waiting for you to ask her out?”

“Yes.”

“Did she do or say certain things to make you think you had a chance?”

“Yes.”

“But she didn’t just say: ‘Hey lets go out!’?”

“No.”

“So she sort of manipulated you into making the move.”

“Yes.”

“And now, are you happy that you made that move?”

“Yes.”

“That’s my point. Manipulation is only unethical to the point in which the person being manipulated is left unsatisfied or unhappy. In your case, you were manipulated both indirectly through advertising, and directly by your girlfriend. In both cases, you were left happy, and grateful that it happened. If you weren’t manipulated, you’d be lonely and without a soundtrack.”

 

Some examples…

Without further ado, let me share with you some examples of how we can manipulate and influence favorable behavior from employers, clients, and customers in general.

 

“Let me check out back.”

A gentleman walks into an electronics store to look at a camera. A sales clerk approaches the customer, and gets an idea of exactly what type of camera is most suitable. He shows the customer the display model. Before the customer even has a chance to say “I’ll think about it”, the clerk says:

“Oh just a second.”

The sales clerk then leans over the counter to another sales assistant and says,

“Have we still got any of these available?”

The other sales assistant, pulls a face and says:

“I’m not sure. I think we may have sold out.”

The sales clerk attending to the customer then says:

“I’m so sorry about this. Could you just give me one moment, let me just check out back.”

The clerk disappears into the back, while the consumer’s decision making process is disrupted. Two things are happening in the consumer’s mind. Firstly, why are they sold out? Perhaps its a good deal, and others are buying it from here? The second, and most important distraction is that the consumer’s thought moves from “Should I buy it here?” to “I hope they’ve got at least one left.” People are funny aren’t they? As a consumer, I always want what I cannot have… and I’m not alone.

Sure enough, the sales clerk re-appears with a sealed brand new box in his hands. He looks relieved, and says:

“You’re a lucky guy! It was the last one!”

Not only does this assume that the sale is closed, it relieves the consumer. The customer never said, “Yeah I’ll take one…” and yet, here the clerk has already brought to the counter a sealed box, accompanied with good news.

Now, reading this example, you know damn well that there was a whole stack of these cameras in the back room. However, to truly appreciate what has happened, put yourself in the consumer’s shoes. It feels great to pick up a last item. It’s the same gratification you get from running for a train, and getting through the sliding doors seconds before it departs. The next time you’re on a train, watch the face of people who “just made it”. They always look around and smile, don’t they?

Is this entirely honest? No. Are you forcing somebody to buy something? No. Are you selling them something they don’t want? No. Does it work? You bet. Does the customer leave satisfied? You bet.

 

Oh. Let me just check my schedule.

As a freelancer, I use a subtle variation of this technique to move potential clients to commitment. I do this both when calling leads, and when they call me.

Here’s an example of a conversation with a non-committal client:

…

Client: Thanks for that. I’ll have to discuss it with my associates, and we can get back to you.

Jay: Sounds great. Before committing to anything, just let me check my availability.

(Note: I’m saying that “I may not be able to commit”. This is the kindergarten equivalent to hitting a girl in the arm because you like her.)

(Open’s diary, ruffles through pages).

Susan, I’m sorry about this. I’m fully booked for the next month, could you just give me one moment.

(Put the phone on mute for ten seconds)

Jay: Hi Susan. Good news. There was a cancelled meeting for Friday, and I’m happy to slot you in for that time for a meet and greet so that we can get started.

Client: I still need to check with my partners first.

Jay: No problem at all. If you could please let me know by tomorrow afternoon, I can leave that time-slot available for you.

I’m a busy guy, but not that busy. Why do I bother with this charade? I can confidently say that this simple exchange of words has drastically improved conversions with non-committal clients. Here is what I want client leads to focus on:

1. I’m not always available.
2. I’m busy because I must be good at what I do.
3. Other clients like me, and social proof goes a long way.
4. My commitment is conditional. I am not begging for business.
5. If they don’t take that small allotment of time available, they may miss out.
6. Out of dozens of competitors, I’m the only one they may miss out on because they didn’t act quickly enough.

By creating a sense of urgency, I am appealing to their impulsive nature rather than their rational side.

When confronted with a decision in which a person can choose an offer that is always there versus one that is about to get away, they’ll often gravitate to the latter. This is why guys who make themselves too available to women find it impossible to get commitment. A girl knows that “he’ll always be there” if it doesn’t work out with the guy they’re chasing.

It is irrational, and that’s exactly what we want.

 

A man in demand.

It seems counterintuitive that a client would pick a vendor that is busy, rather than one that can devote any and all their time to them. Life is full of little inside jokes, and this just happens to be one of them.

While working on an enterprise project for an educational institute, I was tasked with choosing a suitable freelance copywriter for the project. I drew up a list of people, and began calling. Out of 18 freelancers, 17 of them gave me a response like:

“I’m free. I can start immediately. I’m flexible on price…” etc.

… all of the things that we assume would be a selling point.

Here is how one of the freelancers handled the phone call.

“Jay, I’m quite particular about the types of clients I take on. I’m very busy, and you can appreciate that I wouldn’t be able to spend too much time on meetings and correspondence. As long as you’re happy with that, we should be able to work without a problem. I’m almost fully booked for this month, but I can squeeze in a time to see you once you’re happy to go ahead.”

With 17 other candidates falling over themselves for the contract, this guy made it look like he was doing me a favor. It was like lining up 20 eggs, coloring one of them green, and then trying not to focus on the green one. How could I resist? I gave him the contract. It cost more money to have him on board. It didn’t make sense rationally. The harder something appears to be to attain, the more satisfaction we derive from attaining it.

He did a great job, and even if his intro was complete bullshit, I couldn’t care less. I’m glad we chose him. I want what everybody else wants, and in this instance, he made himself appear to be in high demand. In reality, he could’ve been “busy” collecting stamps, but the effective manipulation on his behalf landed him a well paying contract.

 

Withholding to differentiate.

Apart from playing on impulsive human nature, withholding is also a fundamental way of differentiating ourselves from others. As in the previous example, the freelance copywriter in question separated himself from others by playing hard to get.

In the spectrum of careers, employers and business owners I have worked with, I have gleaned the following:

1. Talking is easy. Delivering is hard.

Every vendor talks a big game. This applies to job applicants, freelancers and even large organizations. It’s almost always the same story:

“My weakness is that I work too hard.”

“I’m available at any time.”

“I always over deliver.”

“We’re flexible on price and can work around your budget.”

“We never leave a customer dissatisfied.”

“I can match my hourly rate to …”

This means nothing. Why? Because every one of your competitors is barking up the same story. Whenever you talk up a big game, remember that countless other competitors have talked up a big game too. It’s like flexing your muscles at a bodybuilding competition, when everybody else is doing it, nobody notices.

2. Being hungry for business is bad business.

If you were to ask a client what is important to them in choosing a vendor, freelancer or employee, an expected response is:

“We want someone who is hungry for our business.”

This is a rational response. If somebody is hungry for business they will typically commit more, charge less and over deliver to satisfy. In my humble opinion, this is what clients “think” they want, and typically forget this rule when their impulsive strings are tugged. It falls into the umbrella of wishful thinking, as when a young woman says “I just want a nice guy!”.

Hunger for business is bad for business. It is common, and it is unattractive. More often than not, it diminishes you as a candidate.

I have been on both sides of this fence, and can speak from experience. If you appear well fed, people are more likely to throw food your way. My suggestion is not to be arrogant, but to tactfully indicate that their business would be welcome but not necessary to you.

The Job Hunter

Let me illustrate what I mean by an example. Imagine you found yourself unemployed (which is not uncommon these days). While other candidates put chap-stick on to protect their lips from ass-kissing you take a different approach.

A prospective employer calls to arrange a phone interview.

“David, great to hear from you. I’m just waiting on a call back for a phone interview at the moment. Would you mind if I give you a ring back very shortly?”

Risky… but it’s a differentiator. Even in this climate, employers have an appetite for personnel that their competitors may be after.

“So what made you apply to our business?”

This is an ass-kisser’s delight. I loathe these types of questions because they’re the equivalent of asking “Do you think I’m pretty?” Candidates typically respond with:

“You’re the leading provider of …”

“I have always seen myself in a company like …”

“I feel that my skills would compliment your services …”

“I’ve had an interest for your company for quite some time …”

What’s scarier, is that these types of responses are given by almost every candidate.

I was once forced to ask this question to a candidate (against my will). Here was his response:

“To be honest, I’m looking at a few organizations at the moment, and trying to decide which is most suitable for me in the long run. I’m strongly considering your business, and you’ve definitely got the capacity for me to grow my skills…”

It’s refreshing. It’s different. He’s not sucking up for the job, and going against the grain of other candidates. He’s not hungry and he’s not talking up a big game. Both of these qualities make him a more valuable candidate.

Straight out of University, I was forced by my parents to apply for a graduate position I had no interest in. Rather than confront them, I felt it was easier to flunk through the interviewing process. That way, I wouldn’t be blamed.

300 candidates. 12 available positions. There is no way I’m getting this job! Fantastic! Well, I did everything in my power to screw up…

When asked on the phone by a recruitment agent, “What about the company appeals most to you?” Hoping to kill this process as early as possible, my response was “Money. I just need a job and I applied everywhere.” The agent laughed, and said “Great. I really appreciate your honesty.”

“What is your biggest strength?”

“I’m good with people.”

“What is your biggest weakness?”

“I can’t tolerate stupid people… at all. They do my head in. They’re like my kryptonite.”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

“If you give me the job, there is a 70% chance that I’ll still be there in 5 years.”

“Are you entertaining other offers?”

“If an employer is a knockin’, than I’m a rockin’.”

She put me through to the next round. What was she thinking! In the assessment centre, I was set to flunk this round. I don’t want to waste anymore time. While doing group activities, I proceeded to waste time and flirt with the co-ordinator hoping it would get me an instant dismissal. In my behavioral and intelligence tests, I picked “C” for everything. Fuck me, they put me through to the next round.

I even told the interviewers that I cheated on several exams, stole a campus buggy and spent a large part of my university life eating pizza and fornicating. These bastards gave me the job. I then had to confront my parents, and tell them that I’m not taking it. I asked the recruitment agent why they offered me a position, and she said:

“Out of all of the candidates, you were the only one that seemed honest and you weren’t desperate. They like that. Students always give us the same responses for the questions, and when someone stands out, we usually take notice.”

What a lesson. The funny thing is, I would’ve probably been eliminated from selection if I actually wanted the job.

 

The Rule of Opposites

If you’re doing what everybody else does, than you’re doing it wrong. Don’t play on the same field. While your competitors are struggling for rational decisions, take the road less travelled. Even though it’s riskier, it usually pays off.

I used to answer the phone and offer the world. I saw clients come and go. Nowadays, I’m careful about what I promise, and in most cases, I make it clear that working with me will require some compromise on their part.

I tell all potential clients that I’m busy, that I may be unable to take on their offering. That I typically only take new clients based on referral. This is all to separate myself from the majority of competitors. By not catering to the client immediately, I’m able to position myself as a worthy contractor.

Potential clients know that if they miss out on working with me, there are hundreds of others. This in itself motivates them to commit to me instead. The others will always be there, hungry for their business. It certainly wouldn’t hurt them to try me. In my head, I always remind myself that there are “hundreds of others”, but there’s only one Jay, so lets make Jay stand out.

Final Words

If you’ve made it this far, then you’ll likely fall within two camps. Either you are shaking your head in disgust while perched on your pedestal, or you are nodding in approval.

Before you judge, tell me if any of the following sound familiar to you:

“This sale is for a limited time only.”

“Offer expires …”

“Stock is Limited. Don’t miss out!”

Marketers call it influence. That’s just a nicer way of saying manipulation. You can understand why marketers have taken this approach for so many years. It works.

Why then would you choose not to apply basic emotional triggers to your career or business? The ability to invoke an impulsive response is so important in our careers that I’m surprised at how few people actively use them. Withholding is such a simple technique, and one that can be applied for even a few seconds with great effect.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading. This article was a difficult one to put on paper, and there will be a follow up post in the near future that continues to cover other methods used in social manipulation. As always, I’m eager to hear your experiences and perspective on this subject so keep your comments coming. Your suggestions add far more value to this content, than it would have on its own.

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Tags: career, clients, freelancing, influence, manipulate, manipulation, withholding